Taking Lorraine's advice on the first version of the blurb I posted, I added more and hopefully made it better. If there is anyway of making this better, please let me know.
In the world of Eden
Heidi Cole lived a quiet life in the
middle of Ivy Forest with her
grandmother, until the shape-shifting
Prince Ibis Serpell of Solaris crash
lands near her home. After saving his
life, the two set out to help Ibis escape
the band of sky pirates known as
Crimson Skies, led by the malevolent
Captain Shani who needs the prince to
restore a lost island to rule.
The longer Heidi travels with Ibis,
the more she finds that he isn't the
only one Shani need, and she is one
of them, but why? What connection
does Heidi have with the pirates and
why does she hide it?
Thanks again Lorraine, I've added more to the blurb which should give more information about my book.
Much better, Antoinette - gives us a lot more information. Could be improved, though!
'In the world of Eden' - we still have no idea where or what Eden is. 'World' isn't enough. Is it a planet? Is it a garden world? A farming world? A peaceful world? Should it be 'On the (insert word) world of Eden' rather than 'In'?
'Heidi Cole lives', not 'lived'. In blurb-speak, everything is present tense, remember.
'crash-lands' - needs the hyphen.
'After saving his life, the two set out to help Ibis escape the band of sky pirates known as
Crimson Skies, led by the malevolent Captain Shani who needs the prince to restore a lost island to rule.' This is over-wordy and incoherent. You can take the saving of his life as understood, so you don't need to put it here. 'The two women' makes things a little clearer.
'the band of sky pirates known as Crimson Skies, led by the malevolent Captain Shani who needs the prince to restore a lost island to rule.' I'd say Ibis needs to escape the Captain, not the band of pirates:
'The two women set out help Ibis escape from the malevolent Captain Shani, leader of a band of sky pirates...'
'who needs the prince to restore a lost island to rule.' - or what? This doesn't go far enough. What's so important to Shani about the lost island? Surely one restores rule to the island, not the island to rule. Do you mean that Shani wants to bring the lost island (which can't still be lost if they need a ruler for it) back under his own control?
'The longer Heidi travels with Ibis, the more she finds that he isn't the only one Shani need, and she is one of them, but why?' Again, incoherent. You've repeated 'one' which is confusing; 'Shani needs', not 'need'. 'she is one of them, but why?' - makes no sense. She is one of whom? 'but why' what?
I'd end this with some reference back to Prince Ibis. 'What connection does Heidi have with the pirates? Is she friend or foe? Ibis must decide' or something along those lines.
Bear in mind that writing the blurb is one of the hardest things to do when producing a book. You have to condense the main points of an entire novel into a few short paragraphs in a way that will grab the potential reader's attention. You're asking questions here, which is good - it makes the reader want to know more - but they must be carefully worded.
You know your book backwards, forwards and inside out by the time you're writing the blurb. What seems clear to you may not be so clear to the reader, so you have to find a way of giving the relevant information, but in as concise a way as possible.
Hope this helps.
Lorraine