English is not my native language and so I worry that some of the strange use I have put to the language below is emerging Author's voice, (which I don't want to suppress), or just plain bad English. Please could you help me with these examples below and tell me what you prefer or how you would re-word it?
1. Every day, for someone, somewhere in the world- ‘today’ metamorphoses into ‘the’ day: too much use of the word day in this sentence?
2. we don’t often speak when he is traveling and when we do, one, or the both of us, are so tired, that it is a short conversation: are so tired or is so tired? Awkward sentence that I should reword?
3. Despite abjectly missing each other when we were apart, our reunions were fraught with tension, as though our lack of contact for weeks meant we had to relearn contours that had once been familiar/meant we had forgotten what had once been familiar and delightful: which alternate ending to the sentence do you prefer?
4. I freeze him with a glare of eye and contemptuous curl of lip, and he leaps back at my hostile expression.: delete ‘of eye’ from sentence and awkward use of language? I want to keep ‘of eye’ even if slightly ungrammatical as it is in sync with curl of lip
5. with a strange gleam in his eye.: Strange gleam to his eye? Which one?
6. Perched between his mother and me in the backseat: Perched between his mother and I?
From reading your work I would never, never, never have guessed that it isn't your native language - you have such a flair.
It seems that Emma has got most of your queries covered, though Victoria is correct about the last one - I'm pretty sure it should be 'me' not 'I'.
Regarding the 'are' or 'is' query, I don't think there's a fixed rule - but I could be wrong.
With the his mother and I/me bit I was taught if you can say the same sentence without the other person(s) and me still makes sense, it is me. If not use I. Hope this helps at all :)
I suck at grammar thus find myself going over stuff for ages to get it right and English is my native language!!!
I will give these a go, but feel free to totally ignore.
Every day, for someone, somewhere ... (does it need in the world?)
It's difficult when he is traveling to stay in touch. Snatched phone calls, from tired voices in to sleepy ears, our minds seem detached.
Despite abjectly missing each other when we were apart, our reunions were fraught with tension, as though our lack of contact for weeks meant we had to relearn contours that had once been familiar.
I freeze him with a glare and contemptuous curl of my lip, he leaps back at my hostile expression.
with a strange gleam in his eye.
Perched between his mother and I in the backseat