Fantasy back story

I would have a look at Terry Pratchett, when he wrote The Colour of Magic I don't htink he had any idea how huge the world he was creating would become, now thirty years later he has the most complex wolrd ever seen in a fantasy series...and if you read them all you can tell he has just made a lot of it up as he went along because there are big differences between the world he describes in The Colour of Magic and the world he describes in Snuff.

Doh! Usual rule applies... After a couple pof hours of editing and revision I have now spotted some glaring clangers as soon as I have posted this...

Back to the draft...

David

My pleasure. :-)

Hope that the following is your pleasure...

This is a long chunk of sharing to try to illustrate mixing up not just fairly passive action but character development as well. In my post apocalyptic story Greg and Jude (ex soldiers) have gathered up a random group of people and taken them back to a possibly empty country gastro-pub...

‘Okay’. He let the truck roll slowly forward. In the back Tom started to say something until someone slapped him hard. Greg pulled round the awkward kink near the top of the hill above the pub. For the first time the Pinz came out from behind the hedge and large tree into full view of the pub and the small river bridge. In a few yards they would be in clear sight of both pillbox positions on the opposite hill-slope.

He glanced at Jude. She was expecting his look, pointed left and right and nodded with a smile. Greg also nodded. She had the situation covered as much as it could be for now. He trundled down the hill and turned right into the car park gateway at the second entrance and then stopped. He felt that it was appropriate for the kids to show what they could do.

‘Nobody home?’ Kevin peered forward at the pub between Jude and Greg.

‘Nothing seems to have changed since we were here…’ Greg looked around the south, west and north faces of buildings slowly. He pointed Kevin to the vehicles and the undisturbed gravel. The young man nodded understanding. Greg directed him to visually check all the windows and doors. They all remained shut – but Kevin wasn’t to know how they had been before. He shrugged.

‘Bit warm to be all shut up…’

‘Why don’t you – argh!’

‘Hey! Good kick Kevin!’

‘Kevin!’ Abbi protested. ‘Tom only… Don’t slap me Shaz!’

‘Behave!’ Jude ordered. ‘Shaz. You’re supposed to be covering our arses’.

‘Should give me the job!’

‘Come round to my door Tom’. Jude winked at Greg as they heard and felt movement in the back.

On the north side of the car park the pub itself had been extended at both ends to twice the original length of what had probably started out as a farmhouse. At the near end it reached almost to the wall separating the property from the road leaving little more space than a single line of flagstones. The far corner left a similar narrow gap between the main building and what looked like a converted barn across the west end.

Greg knew from earlier and their slow run down the hill that a further extension had been added on just beyond the middle of the main back. He was pretty certain that the ground floor was kitchens and facilities. The first floor could be an office to judge by the steel, corkscrew fire escape.

‘So! Give me it!’

‘Okay’. Jude slammed the heavy door open into Tom’s face so hard she knocked him cold.

‘Ace!’ ‘What was that…? Kevin?’ ‘Jude gave Tom – er…’

‘He’ll be quiet for a bit now Abbi’.

‘Fucking right! About time – er… I’m watching the back…’

‘Did you hit him?’

‘No… He got in the way of the door… Any problem with that?’

‘Well…’

‘Shut up Abbi!’ The rest of them ordered. Greg shrugged at the same moment that Jude did.

‘Uh? What are we waiting for?’

‘Not opening time yet Kevin’. Jude caught him by the ear preventing his retreat. ‘What do you see?’

‘It looks all locked up…’

‘What does? Tell those at the back. They can’t see it with you hogging the space’.

‘Er – well… It’s two floors… The pub on the right. It’s got a big sticking out porch added in the middle. Double doors. There’s six wide, low windows each side of it… But they’re not original… They’ve really messed up the look of the place: the bottom doesn’t match the top. That’s the old part – well – the middle is… The pattern of windows doesn’t match – but they’ve all been redone in PVC – they all look wrong – plastic brown not “Ye Olde” timber… And there’s no way those windows are really leaded glass: that’s glued on in a factory’.

‘How’d you know that?’

‘What? Huh? The glass is flat – behind the stick-on… Proper leaded glass has loads of different angles – different textures’.

‘Very good Kevin. What else?’

‘Um…’

‘In front of us?’

‘Yeah – well… They’ve really made a mess of converting a barn. They’ve tried to make rooms out of it. Tried to make them look like stables… I reckon they’ve got hotel rooms on the ground and staff rooms on top’.

‘Why’s that?’

‘Obvious. Only place to go from those doors is across to the pub door… One side will be a bar and the other side of it will be a dining room. You point the punters where you want them to go… And keep the staff out of the way upstairs’.

‘Okay. Good theory’.

‘That’s so wrong!’

‘Why Abbi? Can you see it?’

‘Not really Greg, Kevin’s bum is in the way – but the staff shouldn’t be…OW! Shaz!’

‘Fucking staff should keep quiet and out of sight you silly PC, Green Bat! Get real!’

‘I’m watching our backs…’

‘Thanks Jani. Nice to know someone is’.

‘She drives me nuts! I’m watching!’

‘What can you see Shaz?’

‘Bugger all! Uh… The road we came down – if I stick my nut out. You know what’s there… Behind us there’s a lovely, pretty green valley with flowers and trees and… Okay, so on my right there’s a bridge over the river – bit narrow. You’d have to take it in turns if you didn’t want to risk scraping the walls. Couple of real Minis would be okay but… Anyhow – then the road twists up the hill – not as awkward as the way we came but it goes over away from us more – like in a big long curve… Okay?’

‘What else is in the fields Shaz?’ Jude asked.

‘The river up the middle?’

‘Probably a trout stream around here…’

‘Can’t see any trout Eric. What the fuck do fish matter? OW!’

‘Food Shaz’. Jani said quietly. ‘Fresh protein. Eric has a good point’.

‘No need to whack me!’

‘Don’t like your own medicine?’

‘Bollocks!’

‘Children! Behave! Go on Kevin. What else?’

‘Right. On this side of us - couple of pens here on the left. With Umbrellas. That’s daft. Then a long barn all the way to the gate in the corner… Three doors and a little door in the front’.

‘That’s four doors Kevin. Use your fingers’.

‘Piss off! There’s three big doors you can get tractors – or whatever - in - and one little one for – people’.

‘That’s not OW! Fuck! Jani!’

‘Pack it in!’ Greg ordered. Then continued very quietly. ‘They always like this Kevin?’

‘Not when Scott was around. He’d really hit people – he enjoyed pain – for others’

Outside Tom groaned. Jude quietly got out with her Uzi and shut the door firmly but silently.

‘So – er – what are we waiting for?’ Greg reckoned that, that was the RV driver Eric asking; although he wasn’t looking forward when Greg looked briefly into the back.

Jude opened the door holding Tom at arm’s length. Greg noticed that her thumb was ready to press into the pressure point in his shoulder. ‘Tom’s going to go over and knock on the door for us – see if anyone is in’.

‘Oh good…’ Greg said dryly while prodding Kevin to keep quiet.

‘So – give me a gun then…’

Jude smiled chillingly. ‘We’ve only got a few Tom. We’ll cover you from here. That’ll be safer for you. All your experience – you know that’. Tom hesitated then preened before swaggering toward the porch.

‘Fucking Muppet! Argh!’ Kevin writhed under Greg’s grip.

‘Quiet!’

Tom got half way, stopped, took another step and looked back. Jude pointed the Uzi at him rather than the building. ‘I’ve got your back’.

‘Uh – right…’

‘Problem Tom?’

‘Uh – what if someone’s alive?’

‘They’ll answer the door… Probably…’

‘Right – er…’ He couldn’t think of anything other than to continue.

Jude smiled quietly into the cab and added softly. ‘Or they might shoot you…’

‘You can’t risk…! OW! OW! Jani!’

‘Quiet!’

‘What’s going on back there?’

‘Abbi knocked her knee Tom. Go bang on the door – please…’

‘Right!’ He pumped himself up, strode to the door and stopped.

‘It’s a bit fucking late to stop now!’ Kevin muttered.

‘He should have used SWAT tactics!’ Eric said firmly.

‘What’s that?’ Jani chuckled ‘A rolled up newspaper?’

‘He’s got no balls!’ Shaz used a penetrating stage whisper.

Tom took the final half step, knocked hard and leapt backwards as the big door swung inward. He landed flat on his back.

‘Pillock!’ Kevin laughed but failed to notice that Jude aimed and Greg engaged reverse.

No-one appeared. Tom rolled cinematically to his left, glanced sheepishly at the truck and back at the porch. ‘You’re safe. There’s no-one in’. He bravely stood up and turned back to face the outer doors.

‘Really?’ Jude asked.

Tom swelled. ’Yeah! No one in the front door. No one there!’ His crow bounced off the walls.

‘You sure?’ Jude dropped suddenly to one knee. Tom dived flat on his face.

Kevin ducked into the back; hand over his mouth and spluttering. Greg couldn’t keep from laughing either despite the look Jude gave him.

‘How about the rest of the place?’

‘Huh? Er…’

‘How about checking?’

‘Er…’

‘Okay, if you can’t do it Tom…’

‘Fuckoff! I’ll… I’ll go check! Er…’ His angry rise and turn stopped as he realised that he had been exposed in the open for some time. He returned to the truck. ‘I – should have a gun…’ His bluster had become so feeble that it sounded more like a desperate plea.

‘You’d shoot yourself’. Jude denied him again. ‘Get in the back and sit quiet’. He hesitated. ‘In the back. Quickly’.

Something in Tom clicked. A light came on and he moved fast. ‘Gimme your gun Shaz!’ He dashed carelessly to the truck’s back. ‘Gimme! I’ll go an’ flush them out!’

‘You fucking what!? Piss off!’

‘Gimme your gun!’

‘Fuck off!’ Greg heard her load.

‘You gonna shoot me then!? Gimme the fucking gun!’

‘He tries to grab it again Shaz: shoot him’.

‘Will do Jude’.

Looking through the Pinz Greg could see that Jani had very discreetly drawn the nasty little Ruger. No-one else, except possibly Jude outside, had any idea of her preparation. Greg started to sign Jude: she nodded instant recognition and smiled.

‘You fucking what?! You telling her to fucking shoot me?’

‘If you try to take her weapon Tom’.

‘Yeah?! Like she could! I got experience! These hands…’

‘Are trained!’ Even Abbi joined in the laughing chorus.

‘You can’t even wipe your arse properly Tom’. Jani had a sudden cold edge about her. ‘Stop trying to get yourself killed. Shut your mouth and get in - quietly’.

‘Fucking! You can fucking search the fucking place yourselves!’

‘Sit down and be quiet!’

Tom moved forward inside and sat down with a thump shoving Abbi along the seat.

‘Tom!’ She protested.

‘Right. Quiet everybody. We need to get on’. Although Greg felt that if there had been anyone around they would have shown up long ago he thought that it was time to sort things out. ‘All of you sit very quiet – unless you see something we need to know about. We’ll go and take a look’. . Greg moved gently from the cab taking his carbine with him. Jude nodded agreement

The big reclaimed and transplanted porch doors that Tom had accidentally opened disclosed a short space backed with wood and glass panelled doors. As soon as he lined up to the gap between them Greg thought that he could see the bolts of the locks holding them shut. He knelt to sight again briefly. The four times scope showed him that the keys were in the locks on the inside.

‘Locked?’ Jude queried. He nodded.

‘Jude? Greg?’ Kevin climbed forward into the cab. ‘I could get in okay…’

‘You could? Come here …’

He joined them. ‘I’m not going in the front’. He grinned and waited for the effect of his wisdom.

‘Right… You saw a window open round the back?’

‘Aw! But yeah – I did. Easy. People that design houses should - well should be punished. They make them so easy to get in. There’s a window I can get through easy from the bit they’ve stuck on the back… Then I’ll come down the stairs just inside those doors…’

This was news to Greg. ‘You been here before?’

‘No. But it’s obvious where they’ll be. Look at the windows up there – and this is the original house… Unless they really gutted it and started over… But the top windows are wrong for that’. Greg didn’t want to look impressed. ‘Anyway…’ Kevin continued with a grin. ‘You don’t need a scope to see the fire doors at the top of the stairs through that window…’

‘Okay Clever Boy’. Jude pinched his cheek producing an enormous blush. ‘Get your arse round the back and get us inside. Keys are in the lock on that door…’

****

‘Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen!’ Kevin made a stiff Maitre D’s bow. ‘The Dining Room is to your left. The Lounge Bar to your right’.

‘You took your time!’ Tom shoved past Kevin, tripped on his foot and crashed into the mule post at the foot of the stair. Grinning happily he continued. ‘No sign of intelligent life – in here – so far. He stepped aside for Jude to enter.

She picked Tom up by the scruff one handed. ‘You push past me again and it will hurt far more than that did. Do you understand?’

Tom nodded, a livid bruise from contact with the corner of the wood beginning to mark his face. Jude dropped him.

‘Right. Just to be certain – so we don’t scare the crap out of each other – you lot will wait here while Greg and I take a quick look round. Jani, would you take Tom to the gate and keep a watch on the road please?’

‘I want a beer!’

‘I want to shoot someone!’ Shaz muttered glaring at Tom.

‘House Rule’. Greg stated. ‘Anyone does any shooting inside: they clean up their own mess. Tom. Get your backside out to the gate with Jani – and try not to get yourself hurt’. He put a hand on Shaz’s shoulder before she could comment and moved her clear of the door.

‘You want to shoot someone Shaz?’ Jude waited for her nod. ‘Right. Come upstairs with me. You can cover that end and the corridor while I search the other end. Don’t shoot anything unless it is a clear threat – and, no, that does not mean Tom. I’ll do the top floor if you do down here Greg – that okay?’

‘Okay. Kevin. You stay here in the door and yell like mad if anyone pops up on the dining room side. I’m doing this side first… I’ll work my way round – I’d guess that I can make a circuit’.

‘Okay – do I yell – er – guess not… Okay’. He straightened his face.

‘You still here Tom?’

‘Yeah’. With Jude halfway up the upper part of the stair beyond the mid landing Tom puffed himself up in Greg’s face. ‘What are Sandy and Abbi doing?’

‘What Jude has told them to do – with Eric – checking the barns and gardens’. Greg did no more than hold Tom’s stare without break.

‘Huh…’ Tom didn’t know what to do.

‘I think Jani’s waiting for you…’ Greg kept the eye contact forcing Tom to break it when he could think of no other action but to follow her.

‘What a prick!’ Kevin barely whispered. ‘We should have left him with Scott!’

The fire door at the top of the stairs thumped softly shut.

‘Have him know which way we’d gone? What if he’d joined up with a bunch of idiots?

‘Uh – right... I see what you mean’.

‘You ready for this search then?’ Greg checked with Kevin. He had half a mind to arm him but making sure that he would be safe would take too long at the moment – and he would want Jude to be aware.

‘Yeah. I’m alright. I can scream pretty good if anyone – or a ghost – suddenly pops out’.

Greg smiled and turned to the bar door. It opened smoothly against a light-weight closer’s pressure. Greg looked in and around.

The unnaturally shiny black oak beams stood out starkly from the too-white ceiling. Everything entirely lacked the patina of age and cigarette smoke. Sterile, super-healthy perfection wrecked the intended “Olde Cosy England” effect.

Meticulously spaced and arranged around low tables a mixture of print patterned sofas and armchairs struggled to give an impression of comfort. Greg shuddered as he listened. It seemed to him that, at least in the sanitised West, the marketing engendered, paranoid obsession with cleanliness had in fact made the population more rather than less at risk.

****

Hopefully you now know something about the people as well as the place.

David