On the back of the recent blog post about back story and so on, I've decided it's time to bite the bullet and unleash my first chapter on the internet.
This chapter is the bane of my novel. I have sweat and cried blood over this chapter and I am still not 100% satisfied with it. Worse, I have got to the point, after four rewrites, that I don't know what to do with it.
So I am opening the floor to you as fellow writers. Please leave me all the comments you can. Critique, suggest, deplore. Use all the vindictiveness you've managed to store up in your writing life to think of any way it can be improved.
It's over on my shared work as we speak. A thousand thank yous, in advance, to anyone who can offer advice on what to do next.
I think I see your problem. Everything works but it tends to meader a bit.
If it were me I'd probably cut all the 'curry' conversation. I think readers will get the idea without the need for that. Gutting, I know, because you work in lots of tension. (If you cut it out paste it into a 'save' file, just in case). Plus you jump POV's during the narrative which sort-of distracts the reader from sympahising totally with Hannah. Yup, I'd definitely lose it.
You could make the initial paragraphs more immediate and gripping if you edit out most of the 'had's, a thing I always end up doing with my scribbles.
Just my take :)
Thanks, but I should have said - the rest of the book is 100% complete. It's only this chapter I have any problems with. I just can't get it up to standard. It does go down the supernatural road, and Hannah does enter the Wood... but I need this chapter to match the others if I'm going to get any interest from agents!
I wish there was more of this to read, it sounds like it could down the supernatural road, maybe Hannah can see those who have past. Or work with the painting of the fairy, maybe her Granddad really did see fairies, and he shows/tells her just where to look for them?
Hope this helps, and hope you can write more.