Hi all would be grateful if you could cast a critical eye on the re-work of the story I originally posted a few weeks ago. Many thanks.
Anne
Hi all would be grateful if you could cast a critical eye on the re-work of the story I originally posted a few weeks ago. Many thanks.
Anne
Thanks for the feedback its funny you should talk about the tense it is in. I have written a version in past tense but somehow got myself totally confused and was all over the place!
Will go back and read that version as I had abandoned it in exasperation. Thanks a lot !
I'm not a fan of present tense in prose fiction. Sorry, that may just be a personal preference, but for me, it makes the excerpt difficult to read. You probably had that discussion when you posted before (sorry, I'm unable to remember) and must have your own reasons for continuing in the present (despite the difficulties with phrases like 'lay sprawled' and 'stifled sobs' that somehow seem out of place amongst all the other present tense verb forms). Hopefully you'll find some other aficionados of present tense to give some more constructive feedback. Sorry again, I wasn't able to get past it (no pun intended).