Hi guys, I've taken a break from the book for a few months now and I'm finally trying to get a final edit done so I can start sending off a manuscript to agents. This is the final draft of the first chapter, and I would be really grateful for any feedback at all on how you think it works/doesn't work so I can get an idea of how much work needs doing? It's just really helpful to get an outsider's opinion on these things when you've been working on something for so long. The target audience is older children to early teens.
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for the positive feedback Raia, I couldn't have asked for a better reaction :)
And thanks for your suggestions Damien, they're all really good points for me to think about. I might play about with the wording a little but I think I want to keep the threat of death in there just so the kids know from the start that this isn't a 'safe' story full of empty threats and playful baddies. You're right though, apart from Quirrel, Rowling doesn't kill anyone in her first book but the theme of death and the imminent possibility of it are strong even in her early works - a lot of Harry's thoughts centre around the deaths of his parents, and from the get-go Harry is told in blunt terms that Voldemort wants him dead and has tried unsuccessfully to murder him. Also, although I admire J K Rowling and see her work as a foundation stone for new children's fantasy in some ways, my story has a different character, and I'd be kidding myself if I thought this was going to be the next Harry Potter, my aim is just to see it published.
I did like your description a lot, and I'm considering reworking the opening paragraph. At the moment it's around 110,000 words (pre-edit) and 36 chapters.
Thanks for all your advice, I can't wait to check out Jacob Jones.
Alex
Just added on your post
Damien
I enjoyed this very much! It was gripping, exciting and written well. I can only imagine that the plot and story is as good. I think that it is suited to that particular age group, perhaps even a bit older it has a good range. I would definitely buy this. I wish you all the best of luck in the agent and publishing hunt:)