Short Story Review

by Dan Forrester
27th May 2015

I have a short story "Holes and Other Things" published on Penny Shorts - I'd really appreciate any reviews/ratings. It's 50p to download but cheaper than a can of coke and will hopefully give you a smile for the day!

http://www.pennyshorts.com/stories/ghost/holes-and-other-things/

Replies

Hi Dan

Not sure how these reviews are meant to go so please forgive if I have over stepped or not met the spec.

I just read this story over my morning coffee and nearly spilt it in several places because I was laughing so much- unexpected response I might add.

Loved it all but especially:

'filosopy'

'wooden bench crusty with bird poo' that we all know and hate so much;

'the mound flattened considerably'

The paragraphs that started with ' Trev tightened his grip on his spade... nodded in reluctant comprehension...' The first two sentences signalled my first raucous outbreak of giggles

By the time I got to 'Say again , guv' the tears of laughter were running down my face

There were two small bits I didn't get

The line 'Possibly their manager too...' At first I realised that I had read, in my minds eye - Possibly their manager too, crouching forward on the bench, if he wasn't...'

and

the line, 'So was Trev's'

Thank you for this, it was fun entertainment. It was painted like a film running in front of my eyes. In my book ( pun intended) that made it a grand story I believed in.

Profile picture for user phlettie
PAULETTE
HOLMES
270 points
Developing your craft
Fiction
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Middle Grade (Children's)
Picture Books (Children's)
Young Adult (YA)
Adventure
Speculative Fiction
Short stories
PAULETTE HOLMES
28/05/2015