Hi all! Firstly I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my uploaded piece 'Does He Know?' I found the constructive criticism to be extremely useful and once I'd done the amendments I just agree my piece flowed much better and had more life to it!! One of the amendments however that I am struggling with is sentence structures. The comments stated they are monotonous which having re-read I agree with. My question is how can I vary them? At the moment they are mostly sentences starting like 'Sheepishly Amelia sat up...' or 'She looked at him in awe...' Which as you can tell isn't very varied!! I would be highly grateful for any help! Thank you in advance!
Kind regards Vicky :)
Hello Vicky.
I hope this might be of some help.
To answer your question, I've taken an abstract from my book "Fast Track Your Novel".
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SENTENCE LENGTH
Short sharp crisp sentences create tension, suggest danger, and increase the impact of the story. Whereas long drawn out sentences do the opposite.
Example Short Sentences:
He felt a strange presence. She was out of her depth. The air felt damp, and cold. His leg hurt like hell. He was tall and debonair. She was simply in another league. No stuff ups this time. Or else. Or else what.
And if you want to make your character seem as if he has nowhere else to go for the rest of his, you could lengthen the sentence.
Example Longer Sentence:
Jack stopped the car, switched off the ignition, and cast his eyes admiringly on the picturesque green coated valley, noting the tall splendid oak trees, which were casting deep shadows on an inviting meadow, next to a shimmering lake, where ducks frolicked, and dragonflies hovered calmly above its still surface.
Changing the Mood:
Four sharp cracks rung in Jack's ears. Tyres hissed. The car sunk with a jerk. A gun appeared through the lowered window. Suddenly, he felt cold steel press against his head and saw a gloved hand remove the keys from the ignition.
FLOW (general rule)
Stories tend to flow better if simple guidelines are followed, and one of these guidelines is to write "cause" first, and then write the "effect" of that cause. To elaborate, generally something must happen before something is affected.
The correct way is:
Jack walked down the road and tripped.
The incorrect way is:
Jack tripped as he walked down the road.
Or:
He walked into the room and immediately, felt strange.
Not:
He felt strange when he walked into the room.
Thank you Mark :)
Of course I don't mind, Vicky... happy to help.
I'm going to have a look at Alan Peat's stuff as well; always have much more to learn!