I've written a 'flash fiction' story about loneliness. Please tell me which of these two sentences might make you want to read on...
1. There wasn’t a club he could join.
2. It is a very lonely business when you are unique.
Both sentences are in the story but someone told me that she found one more powerful than the other.
Your views will be much appreciated. Thank you.
Thank you for taking the time to answer. I have kept my story as it was. If you would like to read why he couldn't join a club, I have now published the story (under 500 words) in shared works. It is a 'Flash Fiction' story on the theme of 'Loneliness.'
I agree with, Jennifer.
The first one. Because it makes me wonder why. Why can't he join a club? What's the deal with this guy? It's intrigiuing. And intrigue always makes people want to read on.
The second one is too cliched and spells it out too much and too soon. There's no hook compared to the first one.