Chapter 1
‘Javier! My champagne is distinctly lukewarm!’
Marina Halliday tutted impatiently as the waiter reached her side, apologised, and scurried off again with the offending object. As he returned with a fresh, chilled glass of sparkling wine he placed it into Marina’s hand, showering her with platitudes.
‘Many, many apologies Señora Halliday; forgive me.’
‘Well Javier, you have been an extremely naughty boy to let my champagne spoil and it has rather upset me, but…’ Marina leaned closer and slid her hand up Javier’s thigh, ‘…if you come to my room around midnight I may just forgive you.’
‘Si Señora, si,’ smiled Javier, ‘I will see what I can do, but my work is very great this evening.’
As Marina lay back on her sun lounger and sighed unsatisfactorily, Javier went up to her daughter Holly.
‘And how about you Señorita Holly; would you like me to refresh your drink?’
Holly smiled conspiratorially and held out her glass, but before Javier could take it, Marina intervened.
‘No Javier. Miss Holly may not have any champagne until her twenty-first birthday tomorrow. She may however, have more orange juice if she wants it.’
Javier took the still outstretched glass and filled it with ice-cold fruit juice, as Holly scowled over at her mother.
Leaning in to where Holly was lying, Javier licked his lips lustily at the sight of her bronzed, toned figure in her Moschino bikini.
‘Twenty-one tomorrow Señorita Holly,' he muttered, 'we must think of a suitable birthday present for you, yes?’
‘Oh I’m quite sure you will,’ murmured Holly mischievously, ‘come to my room tonight at eleven.’
Javier stepped back and winked at Holly, before collecting his tray and returning to the other guests at the opulent resort.
Marina pushed up the brim of her hat and turned to face Holly.
‘I don’t know what’s got into the pool boys these days. When I used to come here years ago, uh, a few years ago, the men in their late teens or early twenties couldn’t wait to attend to your every need, especially if it meant earning some extra…whatever the currency is here.’
‘Yes mother, it really is too bad,’ giggled Holly, as Marina took another long sip of champagne and settled back onto her lounger.
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Thanks very much for the constructive comments ladies, I shall work on it further. :-)
There's too much 'laying it out on a plate' in this sample to tempt me to read further, unfortunately. Plus, as Lorraine points out, it could do with an edit.
A fresh, chilled glass or a fresh glass of chilled wine? ' Marina...sighed unsatisfactorily'? How does one do that? Or did she sigh at the unsatisfactory outcome?
'Yes mother' - Mother is a title and should have a capital here.
A lot of missing commas, a lot of adverbs - sorry, Sarah, but you could do with editing this before publishing.