At any ordinary day,we were out shopping in town,there were many crowded places;because of course it was Christmas Eve. Me and my family had to do some Christmas shopping at last minute,of course our family always does things at last minute like...going to a wedding and taking too long to get dressed,but anyways that does not matter. ''Jake,come on I know you don't like photo's but this is a Christmas Family Photo!,you've got to be in this'', mum exclaimed. At that moment she pointed towards a camera man and then said.''If I don't see you there in less than 5 minutes then you will see the consequences!''. It wont be that bad will it? So I decided to go and complete the family photo.'' Smile Jake,come on get into the festive spirit,It's Christmas!''. Suddenly there was a terrible flash,when I looked around I noticed my family weren't around me,What was I to do?!? TO BE CONTINUED...
Hello, Ishpreet, thanks for sharing.
This is a tiny piece, and obviously a very rough first draft; but you do need to pay attention to a few things.
When used as a pronoun, 'I' always takes a capital letter.
Normally it would be 'we were out shopping', not 'we was'; also 'What was I to do?' not 'What were I to do?' It depends if you are telling the story directly in Jake's voice - too small a sample to tell.
Your punctuation will need a lot of work; and in the last line, you've got your tenses mixed up - 'I noticed my family aren't around me' - should be 'weren't' as it's all past tense.
A lot of work goes into making any writing readable, and you are at the very beginning of the process. It's important to get your story down; you've obviously got a plot worked out, and you've told us that the main character is the narrator, Jake. What you have to learn to do is to write in good English, with good spelling, and proper punctuation. You could look around for books that will help you with both of those things.
In the meantime enjoy writing your story, and see how far it goes. Characters can surprise you!