I was Raped

by S Jahid Shah Banoori
23rd January 2022

I Was Raped


Story of a lower caste girl, pushed by arranged marriage into a future of oblivion.


Written BY

Sayed Jahid Shah Banoori


My words are limited to describe the only person that I loved the most, in simple words I can say that he was charming, caring, and handsome. Unfortunately, my eyes did not see what I dreamed of. Eyes are the resource of appreciation and they respond to the things that see however, they are still powerless to transform what we dream in to reality. Eyes have formed the world beautiful to some and painful to others. For me, eyes are a gift that you can see and dream to infinity whatsoever your heart desire. Unfortunately, I was deprived of such gift, we often forget that believes and cultures which shaped the environment that we live in definitely has the power to own you and your dreams. How can human beings live in societies with so many boundaries and rules? Why can’t we just love and live-in peace? Is this how societies came to existence to discriminate, to interfere, and to form cultures and believes that keep us apart from each other? I always ask myself that what is the achievement of the world as a whole, we developed but still, we are very far away from each other. I am considered to step out of social boundaries, these cultural borders are like borders of aggressive nations, and if you step out of someone else’s belief circle, you will be shot dead. I didn’t have a choice to choose believes now I belong to something that the society has to define it and they named it caste. I am from a lower caste and not my independent identity but my caste in society has determined that I don’t have the right to love someone that I want or to enjoy equal rights in society as other girls do.

In India where the land is regarded as a mother to everyone, we worship Goddesses still there is one word that describes women and it is “No One”.

“How I suffered all these years is indescribable and unbearable. My days use to not start with a cup of coffee, reading a newspaper, or working out but it used, to begin with cleaning the house, washing the dishes, and preparing food, I always feel I am only meant to serve as a servant, at times I use to think why I am born as a woman. Indeed, the job specification of women is not a choice she made but a description given by cultures and specifically the ruler of cultures and believes, men! And through history, they had the power to lead the society’s mindset and influence some of the women's perceptions too. Every night when he was coming home drunk, the way he was scratching me, and satisfying his devil whim. I use to tell myself; do I have a right to feel loved by someone by a man not being an animal at least? Or is this the destiny that is meant for us to be? Madhu was screaming holding her lawyer’s hand in anguish.

Mrs. Deepti Kumar was a homicide lawyer, Madhu’s close friend, and use to be her classmate too. Mrs. Kumar tried to calm Madhu’s sobbing down by giving her a glass of water and said “I am not only your lawyer but a good friend and I understand and feel your immense pain and she emphasized with a loud voice addressing the court that we both know this is not a rare case and such cases lean in every corner of the nation. Please calm down and tell me more about him what happened that night” Deepti told Madhu seeking her to talk about the night which could change her destiny forever.

Your honor, Madhu said with a tightening of her throat and a short intake of breath, I have two daughters and I see the reflection of my life in theirs. The father they had and the father that I had. Madhu turned her head to Deepti and while Tears raced down her cheeks, she mumbled don’t you remember how I was married off in my second year of degree? Because my father was not able to pay for my education because he had to pay for my dowry, she cleared her throat and continued marriages here still follow the Barter system where Women pays dowry and materials like a car, refrigerator, TV, and so on in exchange for a good life partner and if a person’s family is not able to pay to buy a good life partner, then she should compromise and suffer her life to death with someone unworthy.

Why is our destiny always in someone else’s hands?” Madhu was still shaking uncontrollably and continued crying.

Deepti stood beside her consoling her. She still remembered how Madhu; a class topper had suddenly stopped coming to college. She had tried several times to reach her out and later find out that she was married off forcibly by her family. The eyes full of dreams were all of a sudden turned blind.

Madhu began taking a deep breath and continued “For nine years I lived with him suffocated. I died a hundred times every day. I always found myself at crossroads to find a path for myself and my daughters. He was neither a provider nor a protector of our family. He would come every night drunk beat me and my children and saw me only as a piece of meat. Every time that he touched me, my soul would shriek in pain, agony, and suffocation. Do I not have the right to be caressed and given love?” She suspired with harsh memories clouding her thoughts. Deepti was now standing across the defendant’s table listening attentively to what Madhu has to say.

“Madhu resumed, that night it was as though as the dam of nine years misery broke loose. My children had slept and I was working in the kitchen. He came home drunk and as always called me to bed. Even as I wiped my hands and said I will be there, he barged into the kitchen, pulled me by my hair, and hit my head on the wall, for the reason that why I had not gone right away. When he was about to bang my head on the sink, I pulled what I touched and pushed it to his chest. It was a knife and when it struck his chest; his scream of anguish calmed me. I stabbed him repeatedly, till his lifeless body lay there in blood. If I were to stab him for every pain he gave me, I would not end it for eternity.


Your honour!


That man killed my soul. Imagine how it is to live with a monster, forced to have sex and your body is used as an object to feed an angry disturb animal every minute of your existence” she wept and yelled saying repeatedly imagine how it is to be rapped every day,

Deepti while crying with her friend Madhu stared at a distance and pensively said softly, I remember you were in love with Varun a senior year college fellow. Why dint you ever tell him? I am sure life would have been very different if it were not an alcoholic jobless man in your life”

Madhu answered Deepti while cleaning her wet eyes He was a Brahmin; do you think a woman of my caste has any right to ever fall in love? When I had no right even to attain a degree, where will I have a life of dreams?” Madhu said to a shocked Deepti. “Was that the reason that stopped you from telling him about your feelings?” Deepti asked Madhu nodded even as the uncertain future lay in front of her. No matter what would happen, the sentence would be less, but imprisonment was a surety.

It was the last day of Madhu’s case hearing, the hall was packed when Deepti stood to present her closing about the woman who was being seen as a murderer.

Deepti started by stating “Yesterday was Independence Day. I do not think it is correct to even wish everyone a Happy Independence Day. I ask everyone present here; can it be something to be ‘happy’ about? Can it be even an Independence Day when a woman is chained in an orthodox society, who is battered day and night by a person who supposed to protect and to consider his partner’s feelings as they are passengers of the same journey, He vowed to love, honour, and cherish her, forsaking all others, as a faithful husband as long as they both shall live. Unfortunately, such a man who doesn’t have even a quality to distinguish him from animals is made a destiny writer of a woman like Madhu. When even after 66 years of national independence, she has no right of her own in her life, she still can’t profess her love to a man only for the reason that she is from a lower caste than him. What is it that we celebrated yesterday? We are still slaves, the women; the people are still enslaved by the unfair side of cultures and mindsets protégé. It’s still in our heart, in our system in the manmade, uncivilized, customs and traditions which is thousands of years old yet stands like a wall for democracy, freedom, and peace in the lives and minds of the people. We are enslaved by the small narrow mentality of society and its hollow customs. Woman, who is so-called goddesses but treated like a doormat and worse, so are we free, is this independence and freedom, can you feel the pain and experience of a woman, who is titled as a Lakshmi (goddess) of her home but still she lost her identity. I ask everyone here that “Who is the killer of a young girl’s millions of dreams and hopes? Who is the real killer of her husband? Who is responsible for pushing the lives into arranged marriages? And who is responsible for the old traditions and systems? The room was completely quiet; with a shaking voice, staring at the audience with disappointment Deepti sat down and concluded. Consequently, the path that we the society, cultures, and beliefs have created and defined unfairly to separate people and genders is the killer of Mr. Shaker.


The End

Areas of interest


The short story that I have posted is an entry to upcoming short story competition. the deadline for the mentioned competition is 11 Feb 2022

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S Jahid Shah
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Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Gothic and Horror
Young Adult (YA)
Speculative Fiction
Short stories
S Jahid Shah Banoori