Hi all. I've just posted an excerpt from a chapter of my novel, "Missing: The Sleeping King". It's unedited and has more or less just been written. I was wondering if you can actually picture the scene clearly, or whether I need to pad it out a bit more. Any and all feedback would be most welcome. Best wishes, Rob.
Hi Jonathan. Thanks for your feedback. I think I am looking at the YA age group with this one (21-ish to 35 ish). Your comment about the phrase "pad out" made me smile. I shall have to remember it for the future. It will still be subject to heavy refining later when it finally hits the dreaded edits. And well spotted - I shall review the building material of choice here and correct it to stone, which it should be. I think I probably wrote it as brick originally, changed my mind and didn't carry the change through. Ooops. And thanks for your tip on pacing. This one is sort of in the middle story-wise. It has to move reasonably quickly, but doesn't start to charge until the police get involved in the next scene. Thanks for your feedback. Best wishes, Rob.
Ahem *coughs* "Never say 'Pad it out',* he whispered. "Every word must add to the reader's experience."
On a serious note, if this is intended for a YA audience or slightly younger I think you'll get away with more adverbs if you need to. Yes - I know the 'rule' is to cut them out but absolutely not all of them. For example, how rough-looking (or -feeling) is the wall? BTW you have it as both brick and stone.
I think with this sort of scene much depends on how pacey it is, which in turn depends on what comes before and after. Something hurrying along needs less scene setting, as the reader tends to assume more, whereas a leisurely pace allows both characters and reader to experience more detail in their surroundings.
Nice piece - good luck with it :)
Thanks, Damien. It is much appreciated. Best wishes, Rob.