On the back of the recent blog post about back story and so on, I've decided it's time to bite the bullet and unleash my first chapter on the internet.
This chapter is the bane of my novel. I have sweat and cried blood over this chapter and I am still not 100% satisfied with it. Worse, I have got to the point, after four rewrites, that I don't know what to do with it.
So I am opening the floor to you as fellow writers. Please leave me all the comments you can. Critique, suggest, deplore. Use all the vindictiveness you've managed to store up in your writing life to think of any way it can be improved.
It's over on my shared work as we speak. A thousand thank yous, in advance, to anyone who can offer advice on what to do next.
Jonathan - just reread it and discovered no fewer than seven 'hads' in the first three paragraphs. Ouch!
'Had' is like 'was'.... a snare for the unwary!
Thank you gentlemen. Jonathan - excellent advice. I'd probably already reached that conclusion myself, but being rather pleased with it, had ignored my better judgement. Adrian - again, I had thought it started slowly - I'll see what opportunities there are for dialogue early on.
You have to gain the readers attention at the beginning of your novel. I suggest you jump straight into the action with dramatic dialogue, or the thoughts concerning your main character. If I were you I would not start with narration, and definitely not the weather, unless it describes Hannah's mood. However, I believe you have an excellent opprtunity to start with Hannah's thoughts.
If Hannah considers herself ordinary. Is she ordinary by appearance? What is the tension in her life? What is the importance of this setting? Why is she there? What dramatic change has she recently experienced? What does she not like about her appearance? What are her hopes about the future?
You need to describe rounded characters as soon as you can, after their first introduction. Have your narrator or a rounded character describe Hannah. What is it that defines Hannah?
A few more tips. Read your work out loud. Can I say it. Can I see it. Vivid descriptions. Show don't tell.
I hope that helps, because I am not comfortable doing constructive critiques of other peoples writing.
Good luck.