First Sentence

by Ritesh Nimmagadda
9th December 2013

I've heard a lot of Talk about how your book's First sentence should be great and an amazing hook. And that it should say something interesting, to get the readers attention. But I must admit I feel quite unsure about my own first sentence, which is-

"Albert Flare was having a decent Saturday evening, he'd played on his gaming console to his satisfaction for the day, and now here he was - out in the park to get some pie."

So tell me, about your very own first sentences and how you came upon them. Was it easy? or was it Hard? And if possible please express your views over my sentence. :)

Replies

They say you should try to keep the first sentence fairly short, but it needs to encourage the reader to read on. So it ought to make the reader ask an open question - how, what, when, where, or why.

I'd say 'decent' is something of a cop-out in emotional terms, unless it's a word the character continues to use through the book. 'Eventful' or its opposite at least conveys something has happened (or not) and we might read on to find out what. If you keep the original I'd at least put a stop after 'day'. You can keep the following and or not, as you think fits best. I'd probably keep it. Or on second thoughts, maybe not ;)

My two first lines were 'Louis-Henri Loison could not die.' (Walls of Jericho) and '"Another dead 'un over here!"'(Leopardkill)

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Jonathan
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Jonathan Hopkins
09/12/2013

I have previously, and I'm working on improving its first draft. By the way, I write Fantasy, Science Fiction Fantasy(a sub-genre of Fantasy) if I were to be more precise.

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Ritesh Nimmagadda
09/12/2013

I have to agree with Denis but be careful not to over write things. Children are not that interested in too much background information or the reasoning behind them unless you're writing fantasy. Use words that children use today obviously not the swear words remember children are clever try not to use words that come in and out of fashion.

Have you posted the first chapter on here yet ?

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09/12/2013