I recently received a rejection letter from a submission I had made. The critic explained that they thought the story was suspenseful but that I have the tendency to tell rather than show. I'm not really sure what this means, does anyone have any advice on showing rather than telling? Thanks in advance.
Hello Catherine.
My stories needed more 'show don't tell.' So I bought a copy of 'The Emotion Thesaurus' by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglish.
The book gives practical examples to people's 'Physical Signals' 'Internal Sensations' and 'Mental Responses.'
ie. Instead of saying 'she was happy.' It gives examples like 'she hummed, whistled, and skipped along, and 'felt positive.'
'Angry' could be 'his nostrils flared.' He thumped his fists together.'
The book gives hundreds of examples, and if I need an emotion to describe something, I can easily look it up.
Additionally, describing 'Body Language' can tell us a lot about the character. ie. he swaggered. His hands were placed firmly on his hips; his legs were placed apart, his chin was held high. Or, he cowered and hid in a corner. He couldn't give eye contact. Or he fidgeted and bit his nails.
You might also find tips on the web.
I write my story, then see where I've 'Told and not Shown' and make the changes.
Good Luck. Hope you have a 'smile' on your face, not a 'frown.'
Regards Maurice N
Bryan, I don't know what the official policy is here, but it's better not to quote a blog post in its entirity - you are infringing the author's copyright.
Catherine, as Jonathan says some rules are guidelines. The opposite of "too much tell" is purple prose - when the writing becomes bogged down with superflous, often flowery, language.
It's also worth pointing out that passive is not a tense. Eliminating "was" from your writing won't cure passive sentences - understanding what a passive sentence is will do that. And there are plenty of occasions when passive sentences should be used for the win.
Yes - good article.
Just bear in mind you should never take 'you should never' literally, in the same way most writing 'rules' are, like the Pirates' Code, more 'guidelines' :)
I'd like to know how you tell the reader the old lady screamed without telling the reader she screamed ;)