I'm having a phrasing headache that I can't figure out. When a group of people are straining to hear something quiet, which is correct:
"She called for silence and they all strained their ears." or
She called for silence and they all strained their hearing."
And with yet another tweak, it has become:
She called for silence. Once it had descended, they listened carefully. In the distance, a faint whistling noise could only just be heard. Milo and Julian stepped away from the group and looked up at the sky as the whistling grew louder.
Thanks all. In hindsight, perhaps I should have quoted the scene rather than just one line.
In the end, I changed it to:
"Is a shield charm in place yet?" asked Milo.
Eskara gave him a withering look. "Do you think I'd do anything else before that?"
"I’m sorry. It was a stupid question. How are the forces?" he said, listening to the growing murmur around them. People were staring across the circle. One or two were pointing.
"We seem to have caused a bit of a stir," said Julian, looking around at the sea of faces.
"They had no idea that you two would be here," said Eskara. "I’m sorry about that, but you two have a reputation. Generals, get the troops for the second wave into position. The third will need to begin final preparations now. Keep sending them in five minute intervals until the thirtieth. We'll assess the situation from there... Can anyone else hear that?"
She called for silence and they listened carefully. In the distance, a faint whistling noise could only just be heard. Milo and Julian stepped away from the group and looked up at the sky as the whistling grew louder.
"Down!" yelled Milo as a huge green fireball rocketed over the tree line in the distance.
I agree with Adrian; you're trying to do too much in one sentence. She calls for silence, and this is the cause - now we need to know the effect (why did she call for silence? Noisy crowd, or because she's on a power-trip, etc?) Then, if she's speaking too quietly, then they'd strain their ears.